Tomorrow is the BIG day!

So tomorrow is the BIG day. Are we ready??

I guess we are as ready as we can be. This is the biggest "interview" we've had yet. The other meetings and interviews have been rather short, or in a group session. The questions have been personal but not indepth. We have had to get indepth down on paper but now we are going to have to be face to face.

We are expecting her to ask us all kinds of stuff. We are really preparing ourselves. We have talked to others who have been through the process and from what we've gathered the grilling can go from very light to bringing you to tears about issues from your childhood that you thought you had resolved.

All in all we think we are prepared. The house is in order, with the exception of some minor things I need to tidy up tonight. I think we'll do fine. We know that we'll be great parents so we are going to try to be as natural as we possibly.

OH yeah there is the other issue. WOODY! We are PRAYING that Woody behaves himself! Most of you have met him and you know he is a sweet dog, but he likes a lot of attention. I just hope he doesn't pounce on the social worker or bark like a crazy dog! He does that to visitors sometimes, not often..... But he does get a little crazy. I've been telling him how important it is for him to be on his best behavior tomorrow hopefully he's been listening :)

You're Invited to a Cleaning Party!!

The social worker called us yesterday and she is coming out to visit our house next Thursday! She will want to do a tour of our home and then the interview process..... the whole thing take 3-4 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is because my home is just so big... she will want to see all the ground including the pool house and the south wing... she'll need to meet with all of our servants, and such.

LOL! The whole thing really does take 3-4 hours but as you can probably imagine that time is spent talking! She will want to tour the house (which will take all of 5 minutes, if you've been to my house) and then she will spend time talking to us about how we answered our questions on the application and our autobiography. She will also talk about adoption, things we should be concerned about, she'll ask us questions about how we will handle a bunch of different situations. She will interview us together and then she will interview each of us individually.

We are sooo excited! Do you realize what this means? This is really the last step in the process. After Thursday the social worker will officially approve us as parents (that's if she likes us). It will take her a week or two to compile her report on us and have it filed etc. And then the agency will start showing our dear birthmother letter to potential birthmothers.

So if you want to come over and help clean let me know! The house has to be spotless! From what I hear it won't be like white glove test, but then hey you never know...........

What if No One Likes US?

As we go further on our journey, everything seems to get more and more unpredictable! Whoever thought this process is easier than giving birth...I don't know. Ok maybe physically this is easier, but this whole adoption process thing is just so unsettling at times! I mean there is just so much paper work, so many requirements , so many things you have to do before you can move to the next step and on top of all that, you don't even have know when the baby is coming!

Right now in order to complete the homestudy and be officially approved as parents we have to have a home visit to our house. Now Cle and I are waiting for someone to call us to give us the name of the social worker who will actually call us. Then once we have the name we can expect a call from that person, to set up an appointment to come to our house. She'll come to our house, make sure it's safe and clean, interview us based on how we answered the questions in our autobiography and then she will compile a report based on all of our information. That report (the homestudy report), is sent to the adoption agency and we are approved as parents! Whoo HOO! Then the wait starts. Our dear birth mother letter goes out to potential birthmothers and she decides if she likes us. This can take a week, it can take a month it can take a year! There really is no way to tell. It is all based on whether or not a birthmother likes our letter and our pictures (the letter includes a layout of pictures of us interacting with family, our home, on vacation, with our dog.)

My Fear, WHAT IF NO ONE LIKES US! What if they look at our pictures and think we don't look happy enough? What if they hate the photos of our house? I mean there are so many things that can deter a person! I know I sound like a 5 year old starting kindergarten. I know that everything will work out just fine. Everything is just so unpredictable. It is all really based on someone liking you on paper and choosing you to raise a child they are going to carry and give birth to! That is tough.

And contrary to popular belief women giving their babies up for adoption aren't all drug addicts and teenagers too young and dumb to protect themselves. Birthmothers come from all different walks of life, educational background, and financial status. Most birthmothers seriously contemplate the placement of their child. Our next educational session will be with actual birthmothers who have placed their children for adoption. Just so that we can get an idea of how they make their decisions, and get a better understanding of where they are coming from. That should be interesting..... Stay tuned.

To Tell or Not to Tell

Friday Cle and I attended an all day educational session on adoption that serves as a requirement for our homestudy. It was really very helpful. It was a group session with 3 other couples and a lot of questions and issues arose. Questons that we hadn't even thought to ask came up, and we were able to ask alot of questions during that time.

One of the issues was "when should you tell your child that he or she iwas adopted" I was a little surprised when the social worker said that we should tell the child day one! From what I haven been reading and hearing, that it is good to tell kids earlier but WOW! I mean, we had definetly agreed that we would tell our child early because we did not want Aunt Susie or Cousin Betsy telling by mistake (names have been changed to protect the big mouthed). We agreed that that would create a negative image about adoption being a secrect.

The social worker suggested that we talk to our child about his/her adoption story just like we would tell a biological child about how they were born. That way our child will grow up hearing the word adoption, and knowing that it is a positive word.

I mean think about it. What would I do if my 4 year old asks about when they were born. Should I lie to my child and say, you grew in mommy's stomache? Even though a 4 year old may not understand the concept of adoption but atleast they have a foundation based on honesty and truth.

So..... you all don't have to be afraid about "slipping up" our child will know their adoption story early. Now that doesnt mean you can refer to him/her as our Adopted Child! That is a whole different issue! I mean being adopted will make our child's life different, but being adopted is not label or an adjective.

We talked about a lot of other things in our group on Friday. I will share more as the week goes on.

Here we are on our 5 year anniversary cruise. 

Good Question Mary!

My good friend Mary asked a very good question, basically she wanted to know what happens if we get chosen by two birthmothers?

It is not a question that I have directly asked or even thought to ask, but I do know that our profile (dear birthmother letter) will be shown to all the potential birthmothers who fit our criteria. And if that birthmother is open to it we get to meet with her. If after we meet with her we feel like we don't fit, we have the freedom to say that we basically don't feel comfortable with her or we don't feel a connection for whatever reason. But there are cases where potential birthmothers don't want to meet with us and she may just choose us, so what if 2 people choose us in that case?
I DON'T KNOW! LOL!
I guess that is a good question to ask Mary..... I will ask our social worker and get back to you on that, because I am really not sure how they go about choosing someone for us in that case.

Ok... Let me explain where we are NOW

Hey everybody.... I have updates!

Cleveland and I have our all day education meeting next Friday. This counts as 2 of the 3 meetings that we have to have for our agency. At that meeting the agency will schedule our actual home visit. The agency says that we should be approved for our homestudy by the 1st week in October. Once we are approved. our profile (dear birthmother letter) will be shown to birth parents planning to place their child for adoption. The birthmother's aren't allowed to choose parents until they are 8 or 9 months pregnant. Some of them don't decide to ask for profiles until after the baby is born. That means that we could be placed with our child with no notice! So we'd better look out!

The social worker says that once we have our dear birthmother letter out there is no telling how quickly we will be placed. There are not a lot of African American adoptive parents out there, so we could be chosen pretty quickly, where as some people wait years for a Caucasian child.

So our new addition could be on his/her way really soon!

Thanks for Visiting!

If you havent already. You may want to start reading from our first post on September 2nd. Enjoy and post questions if you'd like!

What Happens Next?

Well once we are approved as adoptive parents we create a profile (you may also have heard this called a Dear Birthmother letter) that is shown to pregnant women who want to place their children for adoption (we've already started our profile).
This is considered a semi open adoption. Now that term scares a lot of people. I know it scared us at first! All we could think about is adopting a child and then the birth mother showing up at our door at all hours of the night!

Open Adoption
There a several levels of openness in adoption these days. There are Open Adoptions, SEMI Open adoptions and closed adoptions (closed adoptions are not as popular as they used to be)

Open Adoptions are basically situations where parents adopt and the child sees it's birth parent(s) quiet often and they maintain a relationship. Some Birthparents and adoptive parents stay in contact talk on the phone before and after the birth etc.

We have agreed to a SEMI Open Adoption.
A semi open adoption is where we create a profile that includes pictures of us, and a story about our life and why we want to adopt, what kind of parents we plan to be etc. and have a birthmother look at our profile and choose us. We have also agreed to meet with the birth mother and answer any questions she may have. This meeting takes place in the company of a social worker. The social worker is there to insure that everything is on a first name basis and no personal identifying information is exchanged beyond the 1st names.
We have also agreed to work with parents who would like to receive pictures of the child, every few months. The pictures are sent to the AGENCY and then the AGENCY forwards them to the mother.
This is all to insure that no one's knocking on anyone's door in the middle of the night. That includes adoptive parents from what I hear colic can cause a parent to want to ship their baby somewhere!

So there is a little lesson on open adoption. It's not done like in the old days where mothers never knew who adopted their child and what ever became of them. In some cases birth mothers don't want to meet with the adoptive parents though. We don't mind meeting with the birth parent(s). We were leary about it. But we thought that it would be a wonderful story to one day tell our child that he/she was not left on a door step. He/she had a mother who knew she could not parent, so she CHOSE us to be their parents.

That leads us to another popular question that people ask. When do you tell your child he/she is adopted? Well from what we have been learning people tell there children earlier these days. It has proven to be a very negative experience when adopted children find out from family members by "mistake" or adopted adults find out by accident or inadvertently. It causes children to carry a sense of shame and of not being wanted. When things are kept secret children to think that it is something bad. Agencies and adoption professionals encourage parents to discuss adoption with children early so that is a very positive experience and simply a fact of life and not a secret. There is not particular set age for "telling" children. You just have to know when your child is ready.

I think that is enough for today.

The Adoption Process

The adoption process has many steps and can be very lengthy. I will take you through the steps, explain them and tell you were we are in the process. So let's begin......

Ok, Cle and I decided we wanted to adopt so we researched the process on the web, brought books and of course we were very prayerful.

Choosing and Adoption Agency
We went to several meetings with a bunch of different agencies. We ultimately decided to go with an agency in New Jersey. Why New Jersey you ask? Well when you adopt a child who is born in New Jersey 72 hours after the baby is born the birth mother signs what they call surrenders, which terminates her rights as a parent and gives you full custody of the child.... which means that the mother can not change her mind.

In Pennsylvania, you receive custody of the baby, but the parental rights aren't terminated for about a month or so.... Which means in a nutshell the baby can be living with you for a month and then birth mom can change her mind.

The Process
Anyone who ever wants to adopt has to complete what they call a Homestudy. The homestudy is basically a probe into every aspect of your life, your family and your relationship with your spouse.
The first step in the homestudy once you have picked an agency is the background check stage. During the background check stage you have to be fingerprinted, get criminal abuse back round checks and child abuse checks. In our case we had to get them for Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The paperwork does not end there! You have to get reference letters from friends and neighbors, employment and insurance verification. You have to submit financial statements and tax returns proving that you are financially able to take care of a child. You have to have a complete physical by your doctor and you must answer a two page questionnaire.

Once your background check is complete, you have to take education courses on adoption and parenting and you also have to complete an autobiography for both parents to your social worker. The autobiography must answer a long list of questions like:
What was your home life like growing up?
What were you like as a child?
How was disciplined handled in your home?
Who were the biggest influences in your life as a teen?
What attracted you to your spouse?
The list goes on!
The next step in the process are the education course. You have to take 3 with our agency (we have our first one scheduled). The educational courses covers issues with adoption, parenting etc. During the course of the homestudy a home visit is scheduled (some agencies require two home visits). At the home visit the social worker basically checks out your house and makes sure that you are clean and your home is safe.

Once the education courses are complete your are approved to be parents! The social worker prepares a report on you and everything about you. Basically putting all of your business out on the street!

The journey sounds tedious but we are EXCITED NON THE LESS! We are looking foreword to welcoming our new addition. We are in the midst of our homestudy and we should be approved within a month or so. So keep us in your prayers!

Our Journey Begins.....

We are Cle and Sylvie. Welcome to Our Adoption Journey. We are in the beginning stages of our adoption and we are extremely excited about the journey ahead.

Ok.... where do we start. Let's see. We have been married for 5 years and we have been trying to conceive for about 3 years. We haven't had any success. We did see a specialist but we decided that we did not want to go through any extreme measures to get pregnant. Now don't get me wrong, we are not knocking anyone who decides to use IVF or any other means to have a bioligical child. But we decided that was not for us, particularly. Before we were married, we both talked about our desire to have biological children, and then adopting. Well things don't always happen like you think they should, and sometimes God has a different plan in mind. His way is always perfect and we really feel that he is leading us on the road to adopting our child.

Adoption is really a journey! Cle and I have researched and talked to other adoptive parents, we've been to different agencies and lawyers trying to find the right place to use to fit our particular needs.

Why Create an Online Journal (a Blog)?

We decided to create an online journal because we are really excited about adding a child to our family. We have a lot of friends and loved ones we'd like to share our joy with. Some many people have questions about the adoption process. We don't mind the questions, but we thought this would be a great way to keep everyone updated on where we are in the process and to understand all of the things you have to go through on the journey. It is a very detailed process. We don't mind sharing the details, but there are just soooo many!

So we hope you enjoy reading our blog and feel free to post questions and comments. We will try to keep you updated on the process and look foreword to hearing from you. For now, Be Blessed!