To Tell or Not to Tell

Friday Cle and I attended an all day educational session on adoption that serves as a requirement for our homestudy. It was really very helpful. It was a group session with 3 other couples and a lot of questions and issues arose. Questons that we hadn't even thought to ask came up, and we were able to ask alot of questions during that time.

One of the issues was "when should you tell your child that he or she iwas adopted" I was a little surprised when the social worker said that we should tell the child day one! From what I haven been reading and hearing, that it is good to tell kids earlier but WOW! I mean, we had definetly agreed that we would tell our child early because we did not want Aunt Susie or Cousin Betsy telling by mistake (names have been changed to protect the big mouthed). We agreed that that would create a negative image about adoption being a secrect.

The social worker suggested that we talk to our child about his/her adoption story just like we would tell a biological child about how they were born. That way our child will grow up hearing the word adoption, and knowing that it is a positive word.

I mean think about it. What would I do if my 4 year old asks about when they were born. Should I lie to my child and say, you grew in mommy's stomache? Even though a 4 year old may not understand the concept of adoption but atleast they have a foundation based on honesty and truth.

So..... you all don't have to be afraid about "slipping up" our child will know their adoption story early. Now that doesnt mean you can refer to him/her as our Adopted Child! That is a whole different issue! I mean being adopted will make our child's life different, but being adopted is not label or an adjective.

We talked about a lot of other things in our group on Friday. I will share more as the week goes on.