Cle and Sylvie's Adoption Journey

We're Moving

2005-03-31T10:17:00.000-05:00

Since our adoption journey basically over, I have decided to start a new blog all about the joys of motherhood. You can find me and Gavin at http://chroniclesofmommyhood.typepad.com/

Looking foreward to seeing you there.

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2005-03-25T14:36:00.000-05:00

Happy 2nd month birthday to Gavin!

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I was able to post PHOTOS!! YEY!

2005-03-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well here is your dose of Mr Gavin, isnt he a cutie patudy!? So if you read my post from the 15th youu will see that I am trying to start a new blog to record all of Gavin's milestones. I want a really cool name for it. Right now I am thinking of the Chronicles of Gavin (like the Chronicles of Riddick), let me know what you think, post your suggestions. I would like to get the blog up and running by next week.

1/2 A Smile

2005-03-15T16:20:00.002-05:00

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In His Swing

2005-03-15T16:20:00.001-05:00

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Here's Gavin in his swing. He doesn't look like he is enjoying it!

Gavin Smiling.jpg

2005-03-15T16:20:00.000-05:00

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I hope this works.

Gavin in Black and White

2005-03-15T16:19:00.001-05:00

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I am Sick of Pictures, Give Me That Camera!

2005-03-15T16:19:00.000-05:00

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FW:

2005-03-15T16:13:00.003-05:00

Ok here are new pictures of Gavin. I hope I do this right, I am trying
a new program.
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<<060_60.jpg>>

FW:

2005-03-15T16:13:00.002-05:00

Ok here are new pictures of Gavin. I hope I do this right, I am trying
a new program.
<> <<043_43.jpg>> <<022_22.jpg>> <<051_51.jpg>>
<<060_60.jpg>>

FW:

2005-03-15T16:13:00.001-05:00

Ok here are new pictures of Gavin. I hope I do this right, I am trying
a new program.
<> <<043_43.jpg>> <<022_22.jpg>> <<051_51.jpg>>
<<060_60.jpg>>

FW:

2005-03-15T16:13:00.000-05:00

Ok here are new pictures of Gavin. I hope I do this right, I am trying
a new program.
<> <<043_43.jpg>> <<022_22.jpg>> <<051_51.jpg>>
<<060_60.jpg>>

Flickr

2005-03-15T16:07:00.000-05:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Starting a New Blog

2005-03-15T10:33:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone. Sorry I have been so slow to post. Cle and I are totally enjoying parenthood to the fullest! Gavin is almost 2 months old, growing in leaps and bounds, getting cuter every single day and he seems to be very very happy!

I apologize I can not share his cuteness with you here on the blog, my computer at home acting crazy and I cant seem to post pictures from my computer here at work. If you'd like to see updated pictures of our little man, email me or post a comment and I will send you updated photos.

Since our adoption journey is basically over, (well we still have to finalize legally which takes a few months) I decided to start a brand new blog dedicated solely to the Gavster. But I need a cool name for it. Right now I am toying with The Chronicles of Gavin (sort of a spin of Vin Diesel's the Chronicles of Riddick) any suggestions out there? It has to be something cool. Like my other cyber friends kid's blogs http://chookooloonks.typepad.com/ (best blog on the web Alex's life is so exciting!), http://lilbabyg.typepad.com/ (Gavin's name buddy), http://thekyleexperience.blogspot.com/ (good thing I get to see Kyle in person because his blog hasnt been updated in ages :) , http://afrindiemum.typepad.com/afrindiemum/,(Little Baby Z cute as can be)

Email me with your suggestion for a cool name for Gavin's blog. Thanks!

2005-03-14T15:58:00.000-05:00

http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=732789201205&page=1&sort_order=0"

Back to Work

2005-03-07T12:29:00.000-05:00

Well maternity leave is over and I am back to work! Man do I miss me some GAVIN! I know that he is in good hands though so that is a weight off of my back. His sitter lives 4 doors down from us she is nice grandmotherly type who I know is going to take good care of him. He spent a day with her last week, and we both spent some time with us while I was home, so I am secure that he is in good hands.

I feel ok about being back to work. I like my job and the people I work with so it wasn't so bad being back. I wish I would have him here sitting on my lap as I typed though. But I will get through it.

We have lots of pictures so I will have to post some soon. He is growing so fast and his features are changing. We are just trying to cherish every minute as best we can.

Wrapped Up, Tied Up, Tangled up in Gavin

2005-02-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

and enjoying every minute. Parenthood is fabulous! Cle and I are really enjoying it! Gavin is such a blessing in our lives. Even Woody, (our Dog) is getting used to him. It has been a bit of an adjustment to our lives as a married couple but we are working well together and sharing the work and enjoying it all. Even the nights when he refuses to sleep(ok maybe those moments aren't as joyous as when he gazes into your eyes while you are feeding him and makes you fall deeper in love with him). He is just sooo awesome and I just thank God for him everyday!

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Click Here

2005-02-04T10:08:00.000-05:00

Isn't He Lovely?

2005-02-03T07:31:00.000-05:00

Gavin 3 days old

Here's Gavin!

2005-02-03T07:19:00.000-05:00

Gavin's here! I first want to apologize to everyone for taking so long to post it has been a crazy whirlwind week and a half. Gavin was born on January 25th at 9:42 pm. He's a healthy and happy and his birthmother is great!

I really dont have a lot of time to go into all the details right now, but we had a wonderful beautiful experience. We met Gavin's birthmother a few days before delivery and we really connected with her. She really prayed about her decision and so many things in our conversations confirmed it for her and for us. I had heard stories about people just falling in love with the birth parents of their children and I thought yeah right they are just making the process sound better than it really is, but let me tell you, God really blessed us with a wonderful experience beyond what we expected and we are very grateful to both her and God for our wonderful blessing. He's been home since Friday and he has really changeed our whole life and outlook we love him SOOOOO much! So here he is our cute little Gavin, you'll hear more from me soon.

Not Even a Snow Storm!

2005-01-24T09:34:00.000-05:00

I am telling you this kid is a stuborn little bugger! We just knew that with the snow storm and everything he'd be born this weekend. But nada.... no baby yet. Birthmom and baby are doing fine, and that's the latest word.

Not in Labor Yet

2005-01-20T09:17:00.000-05:00

We are almost a week past the due date and still nothing as far as we know. Our agency has been calling us letting us know that nothing has happened yet. So we continue to wait.

In the meantime. With the recent events of the adoption case in Florida, people have been questioning me about birth parent rights and my concerns about the birth parents wanting their child back. Laws vary from state to state, but with adoption there are a lot of risks. In the case in Florida with little Evan. His adoption was not finalized and his birthfathers parental rights were not terminated. Prayerfully everything will be in order with the adoption of our child and as far as we know so far both birthfather and birthmother have agreed to terminate their rights (in the state we are adopting from this can not be done until the baby is 3 days old).
To get a better understanding of the case in Florida and how it relates to adoption in general, click on the link and visit one of my FAVORITE blogs, chookooloonks Karen has explained it way better than I can.
http://chookooloonks.typepad.com/chookooloonks/2005/01/remember_panic_.html

Christmas in January

2005-01-15T17:25:00.000-05:00

Today is the due date of our potential birthmother. We are well aware that most babies are born way after their projected arrival date. But I couldn't help but feel anxious today anyway. We are about to start gettin ready for a holiday party thrown by my husband's job. Yes, you read corectly it is January 15th and we are getting ready for Christmas party. Even though the company has it's party in January every year Cle and I do feel a little bit like Christmas. We are like two little kids waiting for Santa to bring us our present! But when I got home this afternoon it really hit me and I thought "wow! This could be the last time that we will be able to have a nice evening out together without the hassle of getting a babysitter. Our lives are really going to change! We are excited and ready for all the new changes and challenges. We know it won't be easy, dealing with the reality that it wont be easy is half the battle. We are not venturing into parenthood with stars in our eyes thinking it's going to be a breeze by any means but have I mentioned that we are still VERY Very excited?!

Stay Tuned....

2005-01-12T13:20:00.000-05:00

There isn't any new news on this end yet. I promise to keep everyone out there posted when things start happening. Thanks for all of your support it has been greatly appreciated.

If Everything Goes According to Plan.....

2005-01-07T10:23:00.000-05:00

We got a call from our social worker the other day and she said that a potential birthmother chose our profile! Oh and by the way it's a boy, and he is due on January 15th!!! Yes Everybody NEXT SATURDAY!!

Cle and I are so excited we don't know what to do. But we are proceeding with caution, as you recall a birthmother has 3 days after the baby's birth to change her mind. So we are only telling some of our family and friends. We are telling our family and friends and prefacing it with "If everything goes according to plan......."

Although we haven't had a chance to meet the potential birthmother, we do have information from her and some of her medical background. She had a list of questions for us that she sent through our social worker. We answered them for her and she seems happy with the responses. We are very happy with the information that we have received through the agency about her. We don't want to go into specifics about why she is placing or anything about her. Not that there is anything bad, we just feel that we want to respect her privacy just as we would like her to respect ours. We are comfortable with everything that we know and that is what's important. She has been receiving prenatal care so as far as we can know the baby is doing fine.

Whatever happens we know that the child that God has for us, is for us. We already have a place for our children in our hearts . We have been just grinning and smiling every since we found out! I am just in awe of how my whole life is about to change drastically! The emotions are on overload, I am excited and nervous about the future all at the same time! Will she decide to place? Are we going to be good parents? Am I ready to be sleep deprived? Questions, Questions Questions!

So keep us in your prayers everyone, however this situation works out, we are going to need it!

Happy New Year!

2004-12-31T10:45:00.000-05:00

Wow 2004 is coming to an end! Can you believe it? This year has really flown by.

In January of 2004 Cle and I set out on our adventure of investigating adoption agencies and look at us now! Well versed in all of the adoption lingo and the ins and outs of the process and waiting for our little bundle.

The year 2004 has served as a platform for new beginnings. I am not one for New Year's resolutions. I learned long ago (I guess about 4th or 5th grade when they used to make you write them in school) that they never really stick. However, as I approach 2005 and my 30th birthday I am in great anticipation for what lies ahead. I am very optimistic about the coming year and would like to have a more positive outlook on my life and the world around me. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband of 5 1/2 years, and a great group of family members and friends. I have a greater appreciation for my many blessings and I feel a greater need to give back and as Oprah would say "use my life".

I am reading a book for my book club this month, called Brick Lane. I was really inspired by a quote from the book and would like to pass it on to you all. Brick Lane is a novel by Monica Ali and it tells the story of a Bangladeshi woman (Nazneen) who lives in London with her husband through an arranged marriage. She doesn't know English and she lives in sort of a compound with other Bangladeshi families. In a conversation with one of the older Bangladeshi woman (Mrs. Islam), Mrs. Islam admonishes:
"If you think you are powerless than you are, but everything is within you, where God put it"

I leave you with those words on this last day of 2004, Peace and Blessings to you and yours!

Merry Christmas to All

2004-12-25T21:42:00.000-05:00

Seasons Greetings!

I hope you had a VERY Merry Christmas! From Our House to Yours.

I Just Need to Tell the World

2004-12-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

Or at least my little world, the wait is driving me CRAZY!!

I am trying all they say to try. I am focusing on preparing for our child. I am doing things that have nothing to do with preparing for our child. I am trying to live out our last moments of freedom. Nothing works! I am still anxious. Wondering when will it happen? Will it be a boy or girl, will we get to meet the birthparents, will she choose us and then change her mind, what if we're in over our heads. Everyday the questions change.

Last night after spending a weekend of trying not to wait for baby, Cle and I attended a baby care basics class at a local hospital. It was FUNNY! We thought this would be a good way to spend our waiting time constructively. We knew everyone in the class would be pregnant which was fine. Everyone was HUGE and pregnant. Everyone was due in January and February. So we couldn't even try to blend in the class if we wanted to (I am no skinny Minnie but I dont look 8 months pregnant either!) so of course everyone is looking at us like "are they in the right place?"
Then nurse practitioner has us go around the room and introduce ourselves and due date. Cleveland gives me the "you speak for us" look I take my cue and cheerfully announce
"HI! We're Cle and Sylvia and we're due ANY DAY!"
Hilarious! Even the nurse practioner looked at me in utter confusion! After a brief pause I said "we just finished our adoption homestead and we are waiting to be matched with our baby, and we thought we would use our time constructively and learn how to actually take care of him or her!"

There were lots of wow and smiles and we felt more comfortable. It went great. This is the second class of this type that we have taken. It's not that I feel bad around pregnant people, or I have anything against them. I wouldn't begrudge anyone the joy of carrying a child just because I'm not. It's just that ometimes it's just weird being the only non pregnant person that's all, and then explaining our plans to adopt and being on defense for rude or inappropriate questions.

I guess we will have to field inappropriate questions for the rest of our lives in regards to adoption. I've heard stories from other adoptive parents and from group sessions we have been in through our agency. That is part of the purpose of this blog, to keep all of the important people educated. So I will keep you all posted as interesting things arise, and I try to stay SANE!

No News is Good News....Right?

2004-12-10T09:23:00.000-05:00

There is no news on the baby front. We are still waiting for a match. It is really nerve wrecking! About a month ago it was exciting to be expecting without a due date, now it's just spending everyday wondering could this be the day, someone chooses us to be parents?

Sometimes it feels sing songy "This could be the day, OH this could be the day La La La La"

Other days it feels very anxious: "Could this be the day? PLEASE let this be the day!"

Well I guess it's like Mama says " a watched pot never boils" But I can't help but wait with great expectation you know. Cleveland and I have been trying to take everyone's advice and savor our time together alone. We do have a great appreciation of our 5 years of alone time, being able to pick up and go when we want, wherever we want. Sleeping late, going to bed early or late as we want. But we still fantasize about how our life is going to be to be different when the baby comes. We have trying to stay busy and not "watch the pot" by doing little projects around the house, buying baby items and on Monday we are scheduled to take a baby care basics class. We'll learn how to bathe the baby, diaper her etc. That should be fun.

Happy Turkey Day to All, and To All a Happy Turkey Day!

2004-11-23T10:39:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it's that time of year again? This year has really flown by fast. Cle and I are preparing to drive down to Estill, South Carolina along with my brother, his wife, my niece and Q boodles. This should prove to be an adventurous Thanksgiving trip. We rented a van and we are leaving at around 9, 10 pm so that we can drive through the night and hope that Q sleeps most of the 12 hour drive.

We are excited about visiting my mom. She moved down to SC back in early April for a change of space. A self proclaimed city girl all her life this was just what she needed. I am the only one who has been down to see her so it will be fun for the rest of the family to see the one stop light town, with the courthouse, town hall, and police station all in one building. The closest Walmart is about 45 minutes away and even though there are two grocery stores in Estill , there are no fast food joints in town with the exception of a Blimpee sandwich shop in the gas station. Oh and I haven't told the rest of them that they wont be able to get cell phone reception in Estill , there isn't a tower for most carriers for miles!

But oh what peace! Estill is just sooo peaceful! The people are so friendly, a far cry from the city of brotherly love. Hopefully we will all come back a little more at peace and a little more thankful. Enjoy your Thanksgiving everyone! Whether you're spending time with family and friends or spending time alone. Let this time of year serve as a time for reflection on your blessings in spite of what you don't have, what you think you should have, what you wish you
had and what you know you should have. Be joyful in spite of your circumstance "a joyful spirit is evidence of a grateful heart"- Maya Angelou

The Waiting Game

2004-11-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

Yes we're still waiting. I know that everything is going to happen in God's perfect timing but I am going crazy! Everyday I wonder, is this going to be the day? I try to think of interesting things to post because there is nothing new on the waiting front. Absolutely nothing. I talked to our social worker. She is SOO GREAT! She calls us to just check in. I assume that we are being shown to potentials, but as agreed they are not going to tell us every time we are shown, unless it is a "special" situation. I am happy about this because it would just drive me absolutely nuts if she were showing us to tons of potential birthmothers and we kept getting rejected or something.

What happens is when a pregnant woman contacts the agency to say she wants to place for adoption she talks to a social worker and views profiles that fit her specifications during her first visit. This woman can be 7-9 months along in her pregnancy. It depends. Once she goes through a few more sessions and chooses you, you get a call.

There are other situations where, a woman can give birth and decide while she is in the hospital that she can not parent her child and then the agency is called and she gets to choose amongst a group of profiles, and you get a call.

Both of these calls may result in a face to face meeting (with social workers present).

So like I said before we're still waiting. Waiting......Waiting....... Waiting.

An Ode to Quentin (some parts not for weak stomachs)

2004-11-10T07:21:00.000-05:00

Introducing the sweetest, cutest nephew in the WHOLE WORLD! This is my brother's son Quentin and I just love him to pieces. Cle and I had the pleasure of spending the whole day with him this past Sunday and except for a little poop mishap where Auntie had to swoop down on him and basically hurl him into the shower we did good. Cle and I get a chance to spend a lot of time with Q, so we've had a little practice, but boy did he put one on us Sunday! He'll be 2 in March so he is at that stage where you know he is taking a poop because he gets in a corner (for privacy I guess) and gets really quiet! I left him to his business until I heard a wet one go loose and runny poop proceeded for lack of a better word RUN down his legs EWwww! (good thing he took his own pants off about an hour before) Oh the best part, Q-boo proceed to laugh from the pit of his little stomach and RUN (like his poop)!!!!!!!!!! I had to catch him and toss him in the shower. He loved every minute of it. I think he liked seeing Auntie go a little crazy.

But we made it through! He is such a happy and pleasant baby. I mean he is like any other almost two year old. He runs around the house, messes with everything and loves to play. But he doesn't mind laying down for a nap, he loves giving kisses and he laughs and keeps you laughing ALL the TIME. From the day he was born I have always called him Auntie's Sweetheart oh and Q Boo, Q Boodles, Quentin McNinton, Snuggle Bug (this is a new one) Baby Genius (I forgot to mention I have crowned him the Cornell West of his generation, beecause he is just sooo smart!) I can only pray that our child is as sweet as he is. Then again he has not hit the terrible two's yet. Stay tuned.
Quentin

Every Little Detail

2004-10-28T10:06:00.001-05:00

Ok, Ok Ok!! Everyone I get the point the color is fine! Everyone has been calling me to tell me the color is fine, thanks for your input. I guess I have been fretting over every little detail, I am going to chill out I promise :)

This whole adoption process is soo intrusive. Social workers want to know every aspect of your life and you just constantly feel like you are being evaluated or judged on some level. The good thing is that they are really nice about it. But you always feel like your answers to questions, the choices you have made in the past, your view on world issues will in some way be related to what type of parent you will be.

Well we are for the most part past the whole evaluation stage, but still I have in my mind that things have to be PERFECT. Thanks everyone for all of your support as you keep reminding me of the love that Cleveland and I have to share and what great parents we are going to be. I really appreciate it.

Every Little Detail

2004-10-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

2004-10-25T21:21:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's not too bad......what do you think?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2004-10-25T09:12:00.000-05:00

Well, Cle and I are in total nesting stage. All of the plans we make and everything we talk about relates to "when the baby comes". This weekend we decided to add new shade of paint to our living room and hallway upstairs, and we also decided to paint what will be the babies nursery.

Because we don't know the sex of our child I decided to we should paint the nursery a bright cheery yellow. It's unisex and will go with any type of bedding or decor we decide on. Well the yellow I chose was bright, but not as bright as the other shades of yellow I previewed. I looked at colors called mellow yellow,canary yellow, sunshine.... What did I choose? Yellow Brick Road. It's bright and cheery alright our poor child won't be able to sleep in that room in the day time, it looks like we painted the walls with a highlighter! I would post a picture but I am sure it is just too bright.

Needless to say, we will probably be repainting this weekend.

Expectant Parents with No Due Date!

2004-10-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

We had an education session at the agency last night and we talked with our social worker and we are now officially what they call WAITING!!! All of our paperwork is complete. We are approved as parents and good citizens in general, the homestudy report has been completed, approved, filed and whatever else they do with it! !

So what does all this mean? This means that the dear birthmother/profile letter that we wrote will start being shown to potential birthmothers. When the agency hears from women (and couples) wanting to place their child for adoption. And that family seems to fit our "requirements" our social worker will pass our profile along to that family to review.

There is a chance that more than one birth family can be reviewing our profile. If two families choose us, we will have to decide which we feel that best fits us a match.

So questions questions questions! Are we READY!! Uh I guess! I think mentally we are ready as we can be, we have been wanting this for a while...... Physically? Well we have started to buy some baby basic baby items and we will be working on becoming more prepared. In all the other ways, I don't know how ready can you really be! Are we nervous? Yes! But in our hearts of hearts we know that God already has our child out there for us. That child that he has planned for us to have. Whether we are matched with him/her next week, next month or next year. We know that it is all in God's plan and we will end up with who we are supposed to end up with and who is supposed to end up with us.

So here we are just hanging around waiting for what God has in store, HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!

We are in the Waiting Stage
When a birthmother chooses us we and we meet and we all agree we move to being labeled Matched.
Once the baby is born and the birthmother decides to continue with her plan to place her child with us we are labled PLACED. Stay Tuned!

WE PASSED!

2004-10-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I took so long to post! We did Great! The social worker was really nice and down to earth. The interview lasted about 3 1/2 hours! I had a good talk with Woody before she arrived and he was very good! So all is well!

The whole interview process was really indepth! It really makes you think about what type of parent you plan to be and what you are really getting yourself into. It was long and nerve racking at first. But it was worth it and virtually painless.

Now the social worker just needs to put a report together on us and have it filed and we will be officially approved and validated as adoptive parents.
Thanks for your support so far everybody.

Tomorrow is the BIG day!

2004-09-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow is the BIG day. Are we ready??

I guess we are as ready as we can be. This is the biggest "interview" we've had yet. The other meetings and interviews have been rather short, or in a group session. The questions have been personal but not indepth. We have had to get indepth down on paper but now we are going to have to be face to face.

We are expecting her to ask us all kinds of stuff. We are really preparing ourselves. We have talked to others who have been through the process and from what we've gathered the grilling can go from very light to bringing you to tears about issues from your childhood that you thought you had resolved.

All in all we think we are prepared. The house is in order, with the exception of some minor things I need to tidy up tonight. I think we'll do fine. We know that we'll be great parents so we are going to try to be as natural as we possibly.

OH yeah there is the other issue. WOODY! We are PRAYING that Woody behaves himself! Most of you have met him and you know he is a sweet dog, but he likes a lot of attention. I just hope he doesn't pounce on the social worker or bark like a crazy dog! He does that to visitors sometimes, not often..... But he does get a little crazy. I've been telling him how important it is for him to be on his best behavior tomorrow hopefully he's been listening :)

You're Invited to a Cleaning Party!!

2004-09-23T08:16:00.000-05:00

The social worker called us yesterday and she is coming out to visit our house next Thursday! She will want to do a tour of our home and then the interview process..... the whole thing take 3-4 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is because my home is just so big... she will want to see all the ground including the pool house and the south wing... she'll need to meet with all of our servants, and such.

LOL! The whole thing really does take 3-4 hours but as you can probably imagine that time is spent talking! She will want to tour the house (which will take all of 5 minutes, if you've been to my house) and then she will spend time talking to us about how we answered our questions on the application and our autobiography. She will also talk about adoption, things we should be concerned about, she'll ask us questions about how we will handle a bunch of different situations. She will interview us together and then she will interview each of us individually.

We are sooo excited! Do you realize what this means? This is really the last step in the process. After Thursday the social worker will officially approve us as parents (that's if she likes us). It will take her a week or two to compile her report on us and have it filed etc. And then the agency will start showing our dear birthmother letter to potential birthmothers.

So if you want to come over and help clean let me know! The house has to be spotless! From what I hear it won't be like white glove test, but then hey you never know...........

What if No One Likes US?

2004-09-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

As we go further on our journey, everything seems to get more and more unpredictable! Whoever thought this process is easier than giving birth...I don't know. Ok maybe physically this is easier, but this whole adoption process thing is just so unsettling at times! I mean there is just so much paper work, so many requirements , so many things you have to do before you can move to the next step and on top of all that, you don't even have know when the baby is coming!

Right now in order to complete the homestudy and be officially approved as parents we have to have a home visit to our house. Now Cle and I are waiting for someone to call us to give us the name of the social worker who will actually call us. Then once we have the name we can expect a call from that person, to set up an appointment to come to our house. She'll come to our house, make sure it's safe and clean, interview us based on how we answered the questions in our autobiography and then she will compile a report based on all of our information. That report (the homestudy report), is sent to the adoption agency and we are approved as parents! Whoo HOO! Then the wait starts. Our dear birth mother letter goes out to potential birthmothers and she decides if she likes us. This can take a week, it can take a month it can take a year! There really is no way to tell. It is all based on whether or not a birthmother likes our letter and our pictures (the letter includes a layout of pictures of us interacting with family, our home, on vacation, with our dog.)

My Fear, WHAT IF NO ONE LIKES US! What if they look at our pictures and think we don't look happy enough? What if they hate the photos of our house? I mean there are so many things that can deter a person! I know I sound like a 5 year old starting kindergarten. I know that everything will work out just fine. Everything is just so unpredictable. It is all really based on someone liking you on paper and choosing you to raise a child they are going to carry and give birth to! That is tough.

And contrary to popular belief women giving their babies up for adoption aren't all drug addicts and teenagers too young and dumb to protect themselves. Birthmothers come from all different walks of life, educational background, and financial status. Most birthmothers seriously contemplate the placement of their child. Our next educational session will be with actual birthmothers who have placed their children for adoption. Just so that we can get an idea of how they make their decisions, and get a better understanding of where they are coming from. That should be interesting..... Stay tuned.

To Tell or Not to Tell

2004-09-19T16:22:00.000-05:00

Friday Cle and I attended an all day educational session on adoption that serves as a requirement for our homestudy. It was really very helpful. It was a group session with 3 other couples and a lot of questions and issues arose. Questons that we hadn't even thought to ask came up, and we were able to ask alot of questions during that time.

One of the issues was "when should you tell your child that he or she iwas adopted" I was a little surprised when the social worker said that we should tell the child day one! From what I haven been reading and hearing, that it is good to tell kids earlier but WOW! I mean, we had definetly agreed that we would tell our child early because we did not want Aunt Susie or Cousin Betsy telling by mistake (names have been changed to protect the big mouthed). We agreed that that would create a negative image about adoption being a secrect.

The social worker suggested that we talk to our child about his/her adoption story just like we would tell a biological child about how they were born. That way our child will grow up hearing the word adoption, and knowing that it is a positive word.

I mean think about it. What would I do if my 4 year old asks about when they were born. Should I lie to my child and say, you grew in mommy's stomache? Even though a 4 year old may not understand the concept of adoption but atleast they have a foundation based on honesty and truth.

So..... you all don't have to be afraid about "slipping up" our child will know their adoption story early. Now that doesnt mean you can refer to him/her as our Adopted Child! That is a whole different issue! I mean being adopted will make our child's life different, but being adopted is not label or an adjective.

We talked about a lot of other things in our group on Friday. I will share more as the week goes on.

2004-09-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

Here we are on our 5 year anniversary cruise.

Good Question Mary!

2004-09-14T15:46:00.000-05:00

My good friend Mary asked a very good question, basically she wanted to know what happens if we get chosen by two birthmothers?

It is not a question that I have directly asked or even thought to ask, but I do know that our profile (dear birthmother letter) will be shown to all the potential birthmothers who fit our criteria. And if that birthmother is open to it we get to meet with her. If after we meet with her we feel like we don't fit, we have the freedom to say that we basically don't feel comfortable with her or we don't feel a connection for whatever reason. But there are cases where potential birthmothers don't want to meet with us and she may just choose us, so what if 2 people choose us in that case?
I DON'T KNOW! LOL!
I guess that is a good question to ask Mary..... I will ask our social worker and get back to you on that, because I am really not sure how they go about choosing someone for us in that case.

Ok... Let me explain where we are NOW

2004-09-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody.... I have updates!

Cleveland and I have our all day education meeting next Friday. This counts as 2 of the 3 meetings that we have to have for our agency. At that meeting the agency will schedule our actual home visit. The agency says that we should be approved for our homestudy by the 1st week in October. Once we are approved. our profile (dear birthmother letter) will be shown to birth parents planning to place their child for adoption. The birthmother's aren't allowed to choose parents until they are 8 or 9 months pregnant. Some of them don't decide to ask for profiles until after the baby is born. That means that we could be placed with our child with no notice! So we'd better look out!

The social worker says that once we have our dear birthmother letter out there is no telling how quickly we will be placed. There are not a lot of African American adoptive parents out there, so we could be chosen pretty quickly, where as some people wait years for a Caucasian child.

So our new addition could be on his/her way really soon!

Thanks for Visiting!

2004-09-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

If you havent already. You may want to start reading from our first post on September 2nd. Enjoy and post questions if you'd like!

What Happens Next?

2004-09-03T09:54:00.000-05:00

Well once we are approved as adoptive parents we create a profile (you may also have heard this called a Dear Birthmother letter) that is shown to pregnant women who want to place their children for adoption (we've already started our profile).
This is considered a semi open adoption. Now that term scares a lot of people. I know it scared us at first! All we could think about is adopting a child and then the birth mother showing up at our door at all hours of the night!

Open Adoption
There a several levels of openness in adoption these days. There are Open Adoptions, SEMI Open adoptions and closed adoptions (closed adoptions are not as popular as they used to be)

Open Adoptions are basically situations where parents adopt and the child sees it's birth parent(s) quiet often and they maintain a relationship. Some Birthparents and adoptive parents stay in contact talk on the phone before and after the birth etc.

We have agreed to a SEMI Open Adoption.
A semi open adoption is where we create a profile that includes pictures of us, and a story about our life and why we want to adopt, what kind of parents we plan to be etc. and have a birthmother look at our profile and choose us. We have also agreed to meet with the birth mother and answer any questions she may have. This meeting takes place in the company of a social worker. The social worker is there to insure that everything is on a first name basis and no personal identifying information is exchanged beyond the 1st names.
We have also agreed to work with parents who would like to receive pictures of the child, every few months. The pictures are sent to the AGENCY and then the AGENCY forwards them to the mother.
This is all to insure that no one's knocking on anyone's door in the middle of the night. That includes adoptive parents from what I hear colic can cause a parent to want to ship their baby somewhere!

So there is a little lesson on open adoption. It's not done like in the old days where mothers never knew who adopted their child and what ever became of them. In some cases birth mothers don't want to meet with the adoptive parents though. We don't mind meeting with the birth parent(s). We were leary about it. But we thought that it would be a wonderful story to one day tell our child that he/she was not left on a door step. He/she had a mother who knew she could not parent, so she CHOSE us to be their parents.

That leads us to another popular question that people ask. When do you tell your child he/she is adopted? Well from what we have been learning people tell there children earlier these days. It has proven to be a very negative experience when adopted children find out from family members by "mistake" or adopted adults find out by accident or inadvertently. It causes children to carry a sense of shame and of not being wanted. When things are kept secret children to think that it is something bad. Agencies and adoption professionals encourage parents to discuss adoption with children early so that is a very positive experience and simply a fact of life and not a secret. There is not particular set age for "telling" children. You just have to know when your child is ready.

I think that is enough for today.

The Adoption Process

2004-09-03T09:18:00.000-05:00

The adoption process has many steps and can be very lengthy. I will take you through the steps, explain them and tell you were we are in the process. So let's begin......

Ok, Cle and I decided we wanted to adopt so we researched the process on the web, brought books and of course we were very prayerful.

Choosing and Adoption Agency
We went to several meetings with a bunch of different agencies. We ultimately decided to go with an agency in New Jersey. Why New Jersey you ask? Well when you adopt a child who is born in New Jersey 72 hours after the baby is born the birth mother signs what they call surrenders, which terminates her rights as a parent and gives you full custody of the child.... which means that the mother can not change her mind.

In Pennsylvania, you receive custody of the baby, but the parental rights aren't terminated for about a month or so.... Which means in a nutshell the baby can be living with you for a month and then birth mom can change her mind.

The Process
Anyone who ever wants to adopt has to complete what they call a Homestudy. The homestudy is basically a probe into every aspect of your life, your family and your relationship with your spouse.
The first step in the homestudy once you have picked an agency is the background check stage. During the background check stage you have to be fingerprinted, get criminal abuse back round checks and child abuse checks. In our case we had to get them for Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The paperwork does not end there! You have to get reference letters from friends and neighbors, employment and insurance verification. You have to submit financial statements and tax returns proving that you are financially able to take care of a child. You have to have a complete physical by your doctor and you must answer a two page questionnaire.

Once your background check is complete, you have to take education courses on adoption and parenting and you also have to complete an autobiography for both parents to your social worker. The autobiography must answer a long list of questions like:
What was your home life like growing up?
What were you like as a child?
How was disciplined handled in your home?
Who were the biggest influences in your life as a teen?
What attracted you to your spouse?
The list goes on!
The next step in the process are the education course. You have to take 3 with our agency (we have our first one scheduled). The educational courses covers issues with adoption, parenting etc. During the course of the homestudy a home visit is scheduled (some agencies require two home visits). At the home visit the social worker basically checks out your house and makes sure that you are clean and your home is safe.

Once the education courses are complete your are approved to be parents! The social worker prepares a report on you and everything about you. Basically putting all of your business out on the street!

The journey sounds tedious but we are EXCITED NON THE LESS! We are looking foreword to welcoming our new addition. We are in the midst of our homestudy and we should be approved within a month or so. So keep us in your prayers!

Our Journey Begins.....

2004-09-02T09:55:00.000-05:00

We are Cle and Sylvie. Welcome to Our Adoption Journey. We are in the beginning stages of our adoption and we are extremely excited about the journey ahead.

Ok.... where do we start. Let's see. We have been married for 5 years and we have been trying to conceive for about 3 years. We haven't had any success. We did see a specialist but we decided that we did not want to go through any extreme measures to get pregnant. Now don't get me wrong, we are not knocking anyone who decides to use IVF or any other means to have a bioligical child. But we decided that was not for us, particularly. Before we were married, we both talked about our desire to have biological children, and then adopting. Well things don't always happen like you think they should, and sometimes God has a different plan in mind. His way is always perfect and we really feel that he is leading us on the road to adopting our child.

Adoption is really a journey! Cle and I have researched and talked to other adoptive parents, we've been to different agencies and lawyers trying to find the right place to use to fit our particular needs.

Why Create an Online Journal (a Blog)?

We decided to create an online journal because we are really excited about adding a child to our family. We have a lot of friends and loved ones we'd like to share our joy with. Some many people have questions about the adoption process. We don't mind the questions, but we thought this would be a great way to keep everyone updated on where we are in the process and to understand all of the things you have to go through on the journey. It is a very detailed process. We don't mind sharing the details, but there are just soooo many!

So we hope you enjoy reading our blog and feel free to post questions and comments. We will try to keep you updated on the process and look foreword to hearing from you. For now, Be Blessed!